Compulsory Rest

Hey friends,

You might have noticed there was no post on Tuesday. That’s because last Friday, as the vestiges of Hurricane Debbie made their way through New York (i.e. wind and rain), a branch—that branch right there—fell on my head and gave me a concussion. Right??????? I was surprised, too! I’m largely ok, have been totally checked out by doctors, and nothing’s wrong with my brain. It takes a minute to recover from a concussion, as many of you know,1 and it’s not like a wound you can watch scab and heal. For the first couple of days I was like am I feeling better? is this better? worse? Am I dizzy? Should I take a nap? Am I better now? and it was very annoying, to say the least. I wasn’t in a lot of pain, but I didn’t feel fully well either.

I’m much better now. I’m writing this post, aren’t I? Some things still feel a little off and I’m working on letting it be and resting when I’m tired. I’ll tell you what—that last part is a lesson I have been tying to learn for years and years and years! Even before the concussion, I was talking to my therapist about rest and feelings of guilt when I’m “not productive” and she does a great job of kindly nodding yes, yes because we’ve talked about this a hundred times before. And she’s like what if you didn’t measure your self worth by how productive you are? and obviously that is a bonkers idea and I change the subject. No but really, I’ve been attempting to be not-productive for some hours of the day this summer, and I regret to report that it works. Now, with the specter of increased compulsory rest and recovery time hanging over my head (pun intended), I have to freaking slow down and not work sometimes for real now. I’ve been slowly ramping up, which they say is good for you, and I’ve found I can do several work tasks in a day just fine. Of course, there are dozens of tasks on my list, but everyone I work with in all facets of my job(s) is very understanding, helpful, and kind. There are no emergencies in publishing, thank goodness.

It’s hard to even talk about this stuff! I don’t want any of you to think great! now she has a TBI and she’s going read my query and it’s going to suck. (I know, not really. No one is thinking that.) But, in general, I don’t want to show any weakness on the internet. Welp. Here we are. And really, it’s not that bad in the grand scheme of things. I didn’t pass out or anything when it happened. A nice guy running by stopped to make sure I was ok and obviously I had the wherewithal to take that picture up there. (I absolutely thought I have to put this on Instagram. And I did!) But any event like this, large or small, changes how you interact with the world and readjusts your whole outlook, even if temporarily. Just call me Tai when her life flashed before her eyes.2

So, I guess I needed to explain why there was no post on Tuesday, even though getting less email is never a problem. I guess I needed to share with you this groundbreaking concept of rest that I just discovered in hopes that you, too, might realize its potential to boost your productivity, lol. And also, sometimes shit happens and it’s not your fault and it’s not fair (I wasn’t even going to walk down that path and then changed my mind at the last minute!!!!) and there’s no reason something happened and you really can’t do anything about it but wait and deal with what you have. I’m not going to sue the NYC Parks department or anything. Beyond branches falling on your head—you can’t know why someone rejected your work, whether it was fair or justified or circumspect. Whether there’s something to “fix” about your book or not. You don’t always get what you deserve. The universe is going to do what it’s going to do—and all you can do make sure you’re taking care of yourself the best you can.

I’m not nervous another branch is going to fall on my head. (Ask me again on a windy day.) I’m not afraid to walk in the park. If you’re scared you’re going to get rejected again or whatever, well, that’s not going to stop you from getting rejected again. Sometimes things happen and there’s nothing you can do and there are no definitive answers and all you can do is wait and see. Try again. Go for another walk.

Thanks for reading all this. Sometimes I don’t know what I think about something until I write about it. I’m fine and will be fine. Keep watching the skies.

OXOXOXOX,

Kate