Why Are We So Surprised By Failure?
Hey friends,
I talk about my failures a lot. I am not shy to tell you about the books I wrote that didn't sell, the queries I passed on that later became best sellers for other agents. When I make a mistake, I do my damnedest to own up to it quickly, fix whatever I can, and do better next time. Running from mistakes and failure doesn't work. It catches up to you eventually. Of course, it took me a while to get to this place. And now I'm working on not being surprised when other people aren't there, too.
One of the biggest pains in the ass about parenting, especially as your kid gets older, is that you as a parent know how to help them, and they 100% will not listen. They are biologically predisposed to ignore your hard-won advice. I, too, did not listen to my mother when she told me no one was paying attention to that zit on my face and those mean girls were not my friends. She was right! But I could not and would not hear it, and my kid is doing the same thing to me. So it goes.
And I'm trying to carry that wisdom with me as I see people absolutely crash out on Threads (I know, I know) as they come to realize the hard-won publishing lessons I've learned over the last 20 years, as an agent and a writer. That you often don't sell your first book. That your option book is not automatically picked up by your publisher. That querying is hard and opaque and like throwing a message in a bottle into the ocean. That there aren't any shortcuts, secret tips or tricks, or insider knowledge that helps you bypass all this mishegas. But I know (most of) the answers! I can help them! They just need to listen to meeeeeeeee, I think. And there they are, on Threads, like sullen teenagers. Lol.
I asked on there the other day why writers in particular are so surprised by failure.
Why do we think writing a book and getting it published will be "easy?" Why do we not automatically equate it with being a pop star or actor or Olympic hurdler and thus require decades of practice, dedication, learning, and, of course, failure? I had some guesses as to why we feel like this, and of course like all things, not all of us do feel like this, but people in the comments had some great theories, too. Here's what we came up with.
Oh, and real quick. Why should you care about this? Because even if you know that writing and publishing is a long and difficult road, you're still going to be sideswiped by this at some point in your artistic and professional life. You might not even realize you were expecting ease until you don't get it.
Because we can all write.
We begin learning the basics of written communication as soon as we can hold a crayon. Fine motor skills. Hand to eye coordination. Then letters. Then words. Then sentences. When we can technically communicate via letters and symbols, we can write. Do that enough times in a row and you've got a book, no?
I can physically run. I learned when I was, I don't know, one year old? But I can't run a marathon without incurring serious bodily harm and/or extreme discomfort. So, technically, again, yes, you can put 70,000 or so words in any order you want and call it a book. On the surface, we know that's not enough, but the gulf between words in a document and book that will sell is unknowingly wide until we try to cross it.
Because we write alone.
Many, if not most, artists create alone, mostly because few want to watch a novice painter paint or pianist practice scales. Writing might be even more boring to watch, if creation were spectacle. And all art is hard to share. It's personal, even the stuff that doesn't seem so, and sharing makes the artist vulnerable. Who the heck wants to be vulnerable?????
Because it takes a long time to consume our art.
And after the isolation of creation, what do writers have to show for it? A digital file? A ream of paper? A book on a shelf? It's almost impossible for a writer to hold up their art and say Doesn't it look great??? They can, not they'd be met with blank stares. Painters, though, can hold up their painting and be immediately be praised or panned (accurately so or not). A singer can get on stage at American Idol (is that still a thing?) and in four notes be axed or passed through to the next level. Can the ballerina get on pointe? Can the cheerleader hit that toe touch? Can the actor make you cry with their performance? We, as art consumers, can tell something's "good" almost instantaneously, as compared to judging writing. And we can't do anything about that.
Because all we see is success.
Of course, the books all around us are publishing successes (trad or self-pub, both). If it's a book you can buy or check out from the library, then it was a book someone successfully wrote, got published, and made it through distribution channels to be in front of your face on a shelf. What we don't see are all the unfinished, unsuccessful books on that author's hard drive. It's not like the author's bio says "Ms. Writer is the author of three published books and twelve and a half unpublished manuscripts." Maybe we should start that! And this is where I come up against the surprise of other authors, when they don't realize that all their faves have lots of unpublished work. I know, because it's happened to me and because I've seen it over and over with my clients, all the books that don't sell. The average reader/writer does not. I have to remember that what is obvious to me is not to others.
Why do I care?
Why do I care whether other authors are surprised that writing is hard? Why do I care that writers learn early that everything they write won't get published, even after their first book deal? Because I know this exquisite pain. Because I've seen it level other brilliant authors who, if more prepared, would likely go on to write masterpieces. Because I know it and want to share it, like I want to tell my kid if you do a little bit everyday, it's easier than trying to cram it all in the night before. I can't make anyone listen to me. But I can say it, and maybe a few people will hear and it will save them some heartbreak. I probably needed to hear it when I was just starting out (and then a few more times along the way) and I want to be that person who tells you. I'll try not to say I told you so when you post why didn't anyone tell me????????
Maybe it's pointless. Maybe it's life. Maybe it's how it goes and legions of experienced writers and publishing people have been saying this before me and I didn't listen either. That's ok. I know I'm not the only person to think this idea. Like lots of writing, it doesn't need to be original to make an impact. You just have to be ready to hear it. I hope you are.
Writing is hard. Publishing is hard. Finding an agent is hard. Writing a query letter is hard. Marketing your book is hard. Writing your next book is hard. Navigating a writing career is hard. Nothing gets easier. This is normal. I'm sorry. If you feel this way, more or less, most days you're trying to put words together, then you're doing it right. Keep up the good work.
Now that we got all those feelings out of the way, how about some actionable advice, hmmm?
PUBTIP OF THE DAY
Word count matters. A book can absolutely be too long, or too short, for it's audience and genre. I find it near impossible to sell a novel (not novella) under 40,000 for adults or a YA novel over 125,000, unless it is a fantasy, and even then, that's kinda long. Confused? Read more about it here.
That was fun, huh? Let me know if you want more pubtips like that!
Take care, friends. OXOXOXOXOXOXO,
Kate
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